


No More Continuity Errors

by princess_fluffle



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse), X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-18 21:11:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20319571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princess_fluffle/pseuds/princess_fluffle
Summary: In response to criticism that Dark Phoenix potentially creates continuity errors with Days of Future Past and Deadpool 2





	No More Continuity Errors

“... no you won’t,” Charles smiled at Erik, silently agreeing to his proposal as a red light flashed across the Parisian sky.

“No!” Wade Wilson jumped out of his seat. “That’s not the end. Hold the fuck up, projector back that the fuck up.”

“Calm down,” a metal arm pulled the red suited man back down.

“Listen, Metallica,” Wade turned before his mouth was clamped shut.

“What’s the matter?” Cable walked over.

“Oh and you,” Wade replied, once freed. “ Fuck your mother!”

“I’m sorry?”

“You heard me. You, Nathan Belinda Summers...”

“That’s not my middle name,” the mutant smirked.

“Bethesda, Mildred, Linda- it doesn’t matter. You Nathan Summers- son of Visor Summers- can FUCK YOUR MOTHER. You know that cherry top up there, whole movie was about?”

“I, for one, thought she was very brave,” Colossus lifted a silver finger.

“Yes, she was fearless. A great inspiration for mentally ill people everyone. If I’m to be honest the movie was amazing- really showing the importance of family and embracing the people you love when they need you most,” Wade turned left to nobody in particular and started to clap. “Well done and what a great finale and extremely impressive for a first time director at that.”

“He’s doing that weird thing again isn’t he?” Cable asked as Colossus nodded.

“But that ending?”

“What’s wrong with two people who love each other settling down and putting their relationship first?” Negasonic was now in front of the group with her arms crossed. “Oh is it because they’re both men? Not heteronormative enough for you!”

“Who do I look like Kevin Feige?” Wade winked to the left.

“Everyone with a head could tell they were mad for each other since the Kennedy era and I’m happy that Wolvie saved the world so they don’t have to die tragically in each other’s arms with mouths full of regrets instead of penises, yada yada. Woo hoo, my ship got a happy ending but what about me?” He threw himself down on the floor for emphasis.

“This is ridiculous,” Cable hoisted him over his shoulder like a sack of flour. “I know you miss Vanessa but it doesn’t mean...”

“This isn’t about my love life,” Wade punched Nate’s ass ineffectively. “It’s that nobody remembers their good buddy Deadpool. Oh, and what about you?”

“What about him?” Yukio pulled a pink lollipop that matched her hair out of her mouth.

“How exactly does he manage to exist in the present when he was from the future and his mother is busy zapping around the ether, trademark 1993? And don’t you dare say Mr Sinister because they never got to make that movie!”

“Well,” Nate smiled as he placed his hysterical friend down, “I try not to think about it but let’s just leave it at this. The one you saw will not be the last time my dad and his friends ventured out on a Space Mission.”

“Oh,” Wade tilted his head and smiled broadly. “I am trying to think of that and, damn that’s actually hot! Ooh oh yeah Daddy, you extinguish that Firebird.”

“WADE!” The group screamed in unison.

“Oh right, I digress. The point is, this metal man to my right took me to Xavier’s school last year. Xavier’s!”

“I said simply school, you assumed the name,” Colossus sighed.

After a beat, Wade realized he’d never actually passed the sign on the gate, before snapping a finger. “Maybe so, Silver Tampon, but Xavier was there! So that means this ending was all wrong. I demand a rewrite or a credits scene because I will not be a continuity error. Not again.”

“You don’t know anything” Negasonic interjected. “That’s how you ended up in that collar. You only ever think about yourself and are completely oblivious of the X-Men and Women around you.”

“I mean it, change the ending or I swear I’ll sing Let it Go. I’m a mad man. I don’t give a fuck.”

“What should we do?” Colossus turned toward Cable.

“THE SNOW...” Wade started to scream sing.

“Fine fine. I’ll take you back to last year just please stop.”

—————

“Where are we?” Colossus asked after adjusting to the time jump.

“Oh oh wait,” Wade interjected. “When are we. Remember? Lost? Anybody. Damn that show was stupid.”

“A little bar on Purchase Street,” Cable replied to the original question. “You’re going to go inside and asked the owner, Jamie, if you can call a cab to take him to 1407 Graymalkin Lane and then stay there with the girls. That way nobody will be meeting themselves or any of that crap. Wade- I will be going with you alone it’s the night before your visit.”

*  
*  
*  
*

“What’s with the short stop?” Wade had gotten antsy during the short ride How many times would he have to time travel? He didn’t want to waste it in the back of a taxi and now he could see the Mansion gate mere feet away.

“The car stopped itself Mr Pool,” Dopinder threw his hands into the air.

“Can we help you?” A shark like grin leaned into the window. “You seem like you might be lost.”

“I, Umm. Well…” Dopinder started.

Wade opened the door to see the striking figure of Magneto, though slightly less intimidating in hipster glasses, a purple sweater and jeans than in his trademark cape and helmet.

“Ermahgerd Erik Lensherr, how you doin’?” Wade jumped out of the car. “Super big fan!”

“Thank you,” Erik squinted his eyes in confusion. “And you are…”

“Wade Wilson,” he extended a hand. “Deadpool if you’re nasty. My habits include watching movies, taking down pissheads and having sex in strange places.”

“You’re strange,” Charles Xavier, who had now moved next to his partner, snickered. “But why are you here?”

“Oh yeah, that,” Wade paused momentarily. “Ahh, why the fuck not. So I’m from the future…”

“Oh Jesus, not another one,” Charles rubbed his head in frustration. “Who did what now? I just want to have a nice retirement and mind my own business.”

“Listen to me,” Erik got eye to eye with Wade. “I buried my helmet in the garden and now there are beautiful roses growing above them. The white ones represent my daughter, the orange are for Raven, my mother, and all the other strong women whom we have been inspired by, and the blue and purple ones are for Charles and me- for the wasted times and the fact that we have a second chance and I refuse to rip up my flowers or throw away that second chance so fuck your future.”

“No no, not like that, no need to get angry,” Wade took a step back. “Though I’m a huge slut for your murder face. Very hot.”

“Agreed,” Charles mumbled sheepishly.

“Wade!” Cable jumped out of the car, having listened to the preceding conversation. “How in the hell do you think it’s okay to say that.”

“Don’t get jealous, I think you are also very sex…”

“That you’re here from the future. Why would you say that? It’s like the first rule- anything you do can impact what comes later, like a butterfly effect. It’s just…” he turned toward the two mutants snickering in front of him for support. “Who says that?

“That’s not fair,” Wade pouted. “Wolverine told them.”

“He did, yeah,” Charles nodded. “To inspire me to get off my ass and come rescue you.”

“Me too,” Erik offered. “It was basically how he introduced himself.”

“Thank you,” Wade got into Cable’s face, “and he’s considered a hero who saved the world.”

“Because he was trying to change the future, Wade.” Cable easily lifted the red-clad mutant and moved him over toward the side to continued the conversation quietly. “As was I when we met. You were only here as a spectator, remember? As am I. We were just here so you would stop singing that obnoxious song.”

“You mean prove that I’m not a continuity error.”

“Whatever you want to call it. You wanted to see why Professor X was here, I wanted you to shut up. Either way, we were supposed to be inconspicuous.”

“Well maybe next time tell me to wear my second reddist suit,” Wade yelled. “Jesus on a biscuit how am I supposed to know that? I’m dressed so bright even Al can see me.”

“Excuse me gentleman,” Erik walked over followed closely by Charles. “Wouldn’t want to interrupt an intimate moment or anything…”

“Hey wait a minute,” Wade put his hand up. “You can’t quote Good Omens, that movie came out a year from now.”

“It’s a book you half wit,” Cable mumbled.

“Much like most of what you have said, that made no sense,” Charles smiled. “But Erik and I really would love an explanation as to what the hell is going on here.”

“And if we think you’re not telling us the truth,” Erik looked over to Charles, “we have ways of knowing.”

“I have cancer,” Wade said for sympathy while he tried to stall.

“He does,” Cable’s eyes widened. They wanted the truth and it was exactly what they’d get. “His mutation keeps him alive by constantly regenerating his cells but it affects his brain.”

“Oh dear,” Charles reached out to touch Wade’s hand. “I’m so sorry.”

“He thinks and says loads of crazy shit,” Nate said truthfully. “Tell them how we are in a movie, Wade.”

“We aren’t in a movie right now,” Wade reasoned. “You see this is between my two movies, I came because of the ending to the most recent one of your movies. Now, I think we are in some internet fiction with not nearly enough sex in it. Or will be, if the writer ever finishes it.”

“Ahh,” Erik smirked toward Charles. “Unfortunately, gentlemen, this is not a hospital for mentally ill mutants.”

“That movie’s never coming out,” Wade interrupted.

“Well that’s unfortunate,” Erik continued, “but either way, it doesn’t make sense for you to be here.”

“My family, I’m related to some of your earliest students, Professor.” Nate prayed Chalres could know he was telling the truth and not dig deeper. “Even my dad actually.”

“Really?” Erik lifted a suspicious eyebrow.

“Did Hank McCoy ever mention a friend named Alex Summers? My grandparents had a box of letters in the attic from him when they past. I never met Alex, but I’m hoping…”

“Say no more,” Erik raised his hand and opened the gate. “Alex was a fine man and his time was too brief.”

“That was great,” Wade smiled as they entered the car.

“It was awful,” Nate scowled. “I can’t just walk in there and tell them Alex was my uncle. Scott’s the only brother he had…well that they know of.”

“Es-cantaloupe,” Wade grabbed his chest, badly imitating a Telenovela.

“And Wade can’t go talk to him because,”

“Oh no need to explain,” Dopinder piped up. “Mr pool should never be alone with civilized people, he says so at least twice a visit with me.”

“That’s the truth,” Cable snickered. “And now McCoy and those two are going to be suspicious. Damn it!”

As the car pulled into park and they existed, the group came face to face with Scott Summers. “Hello,” the visor-clad mutant waved.

“‘Sup Dude?” Wade extended a hand. “I’m…”

“We are here to see Mr McCoy,” Dopinder cut him off as Cable lost his breath.

“Oh,” Scott replied, slightly confused. “He’s, yeah. Hank’s in his office, or maybe bedroom. I just dropped the bomb that my fiancé is pregnant and, let’s just say, he’s a bit dizzy.”

A proud smile crossed his face.

“Love triangle?” Wade replied daftly.

“No, nothing like that,” Scott’s smile grew. “She’s a bit of a loose canon and I think he’s nervous about the effects hormones could have on her.”

“Phoenix,” Dopinder snapped his fingers in recognition. “Oh yeah, that could be challenging.”

“Hey big guy,” Wade nudged Cable in the ribs. “You okay? You aren’t going all grumpy tits while he talks Cyclops’ ear off. Actually you’ve barely said anything.”

“That’s the meeting,” Cable’s face dropped. “Sorry, um, I’m fine Wade thanks. I don’t remember my father. My mom insisted she go into space until I was born and he went with her but there was an attack.”

“Shit,” Wade attempted to hug him.

“You know what, it doesn’t matter. Life goes on. The point is, I never met him, so I was a bit shook up. Now you have your answer, can we please leave?”

“Sure,” Wade attempted to be positive. “I’m glad you could at least see him this once.”

“Yeah. Get the driver, I’ll be in the car,” Cable stormed away, slightly dejected.

“...so I guess when you think about it, it really does take a village? You know?” Dopinder was saying as Wade approached.

“I hate to interrupt but we’ve got to go,” Wade smiled. “No meeting Beastie today.”

“Oh what a shame,” Scott smiled. “You’re friend here was just explaining how important family can be with a baby on the way.”

“It takes a village,” Dopinder nodded.

“You’ve completely changed my view, and you know what? I’m going to tell Jean about this,” Scott clapped his hands. “She’s completely attuned with signs from the universe and internal emotions. What are the odds of you and I meeting at this time? It was destiny. Our baby is going to come into this world surrounded by our family. Thank you again.”

With that, he walked away.

“I just want you to know, Nate’s the baby.” Wade whispered as the pair went to the car. “So have fun with that.”

Dopinder swallowed hard as he entered the driver's seat.

“Can we put on the radio?” Wade cut the awkwardness of the silent drive through the gate.

I...The moon and the stars were the gifts you gave.

“Logan changed the future,” Wade sat up in his seat and smiled from ear to ear.

“Yes Wade, he’s a hero to them,” Nate looked at him. “He was trying to change the future from his former life, because the world ended in 2023. You were just going on a field trip. What’s your point?”

“In 2023 right. You’re going to be born next year? Three years before he snaps back,” Wade smiled maniacally and looked out the window at nobody in particular.

“I’m not a continuity error, I’m a hero!”


End file.
